All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
