you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
