Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
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