Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
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