I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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