i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
