I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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