We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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