I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
