Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
