So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Randomize
