i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Randomize
