I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
you didnt know i had herpes?
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
