chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
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