did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
