Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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