Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
She bit a glass in half.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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