Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
