She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Randomize
