On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Randomize
