I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
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