Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
