I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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