Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
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