I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
