His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
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