we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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