I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Randomize
