At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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