We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
We named our party play list daddy issues
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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