that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
