before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
sex in a hospital.. check
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
