I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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