how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize
