No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
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