my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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