Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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