im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
