I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
