no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
