bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
