you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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