There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Randomize
