You're so nebulous sometimes
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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