it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I am available for nakedness
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Randomize
