Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
