i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
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