Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
