Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
