Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
