have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
